Pornography and Gaming
The Addiction That is One Click Away
For those who do not understand, porn and gaming addiction are interlocked. They use the same reward systems and complement each other in what I call the gaming addiction trifecta (video games, pornography, and weed). When all 3 of these are at play, motivation and activities outside of the gaming addiction trifecta are scarce. The emotional, mental, and physical energy get wrapped up into a hedonistic lifestyle with little motivation to push the gamer forward in their life.
I did not make this page to cause trouble for anyone struggling with porn and gaming addiction. This is not to call out people on their vices. This is a call for awareness. Even with the best safeguards, porn is still easy to access on any computer/phone with little effort. As Jennifer Thibodeau, MSW, RSW, Clinical Social Worker, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist wrote, the fuel for any sexual addiction comes down to 3 A’s; accessibility, affordability, anonymity. Unbeknownst to Jennifer, she also stumbled upon the same ingredients that fuel gaming addiction. With one click/tap, anyone can download a free game, or watch a camgirl without anyone else knowing. Beyond the similarities, both feed the other in several ways. Anyone reading this needs to understand the compounding problems porn and gaming create together.
If you are the gamer, or are trying to find help for a gamer, know that gaming does not exist in a vacuum. Like any good story, video games involve adult themes like betrayal, love, violence, sacrifice, and sex. I would say it’s unfortunate, but it’s not. Sexuality and physical attraction are part of the human condition. It can be a weakness and strength simultaneously, and it’s a struggle every person goes through. Epic stories deserve to include everything we as an audience can relate to. However, video games nowadays fall very short when it comes to dealing with sex and attraction.
Control
Video games create an environment of ultra-control with little effort required. Scaling a mountain while killing bad guys with a sword, and no rest or food is nigh impossible… unless the scenario is set in a digital environment where all of those things have little to no impact. A jab of the sword only costs the calories required to move a thumb. Also, if things don’t go the way the gamer wants, they can always reset until they get the desired outcome. It’s an event with infinite do overs. Let’s take the same scenario and involve sexual intimacy.
Getting to a sexual encounter takes time, energy, some patience, planning, and another person. That’s just getting to it. Now think about the actual encounter. Good sex that is satisfying during and after the encounter takes effort, care, empathy, and communication. Sounds like quite a bit of work. What if a gamer could cut all of that out, and use the same skills required for gaming? Porn fits the bill. There are millions of videos of people doing anything and everything people can think of. Internet Rule #34 (“If it exists, there’s porn of it”) is true! The viewer just needs to search for it, and spend a few bucks on hand lotion and tissues, and whatever time it takes for him/her to orgasm. Even more, whatever they’re watching becomes a blank canvas for the viewers mind.
There is a reason the people in these videos are called actors and actresses. Their reactions create a pseudo atmosphere perfect for masturbating. They pretend to want it (or not) and they are fantastic at setting the sexual stage. There is a fantasy created not just by the actors/actresses, but also by the viewer. The viewer gets to imprint their own feelings and thoughts onto the actors/actresses. In a way, the porn becomes a realized fantasy. The control is even greater than this though.
To get a greater effect, porn viewers will engage in edging. Essentially, the viewer will stimulate themselves close to orgasm, and then back off so as not to orgasm yet. Many times, this will involve trying to find a chain of videos until the viewer finds the perfect one to orgasm to; a process that can take sometimes hours. The chase is just as important as the act in this case.
Objectification
Porn objectifying people, namely women, is no secret. The stimulation is mainly visual (and partly auditory) meaning that certain attributes that appeal visually are the most important. Cute face, bigger/smaller butt/boobs, overall size of the girl, performance of the sexual act is at the top of the beatoff hierarchy. Porn sites are organized by these attributes for ease of use. Most of all, these women are strictly used for the purposes of sexual stimulation, and then the viewers can be done with them. That’s about as efficient as you can get to achieving orgasm, at least for the viewers. Many video games follow a similar formula (minus the orgasm… maybe).
This is not a negative critique as video games are meant to be a test of competence and efficiency. Your game play is only as good as you are. However, the compatibility of the “use strangers and toss them” method is very relevant nowadays in gaming. If your team member is doing terribly, there is an incentive to drop that person from the team rather than struggle with them. If someone is annoying, the user can just mute them with the click of a button. It’s an easier way to win.
Also, anonymity allows players to easily indulge in their darker side. It’s commonplace to find people screaming at their teammates if they aren’t performing well. I myself fell prey to a person for performing too well, but of course the harassment came from the opposing team. I had kept killing the same player over and over by chance. We had kept finding each other unintentionally, and my hero had the advantage over his. Eventually, after his fifth death by my hands, he told me he would “…find me in real life…” and do some not so nice things.
Sexualization of characters in video games has gone a long way in shaping the objectification of women in gamers’ minds. Look at many of the fighting games (e.g. Valentine from “Skullgirls”) available. It’s a ton of cleavage bouncing around with a sexy and seductive attitude added. Seeing this on the regular sends a weird message about what is expected of normal women. Apparently, sexuality comes first before anything else, but this message isn’t spoken in words. It’s something that is casually tossed into gaming, and is upfront in porn.
Behaviors that are discouraged widely become so much more accessible when there is physical distance, and a distance away from responsibility. My opponent didn’t know me, didn’t care, and wouldn’t see me again after that game. The game developers only care about download and sales and don’t have to face any responsibility directly from the users. The same can be said about porn. Who cares about the person on the other side of the screen? “As long as she does what I want, and I can keep coming back to her, I’m set.” As compatible as they are, their complementary effects make them a recipe for addiction.
Reinforcing The Cyber Prison
Gaming isn’t fully about enjoyment per se. The false fulfillment and achievement gained is most of the time through grinding, and hard work. Gaming can be exhausting and stressful. I’ve seen people sweating after playing difficult matches. The interesting part is whatever reward gained by playing is worth it enough for gamers will come back to it later regardless of the grind. I can personally say there is a chase involved with gaming addiction. When I wasn’t playing, I would think about my next gaming session, or the next move I would make in a game. Whatever I was doing, I was just thinking about how I could get back in front of the screen, and it was a rush.
After engaging in the chase, and after long hours of stressful/frustrating, yet “fulfilling” gaming until 2 AM in the morning, there is nothing better than rubbing one out to porn. All the pent-up negative emotions from gaming can be released by clicking over to another tab for 15 minutes. That 15 minutes is pure pleasure with no frustration. Porn provides pleasure and release, and the gaming provides feelings of satisfaction and entertainment (fun) all on the same device without anyone knowing. I hope this explains how some gamers can spend an entire day in their room.
Breaking Out of The Cyber Prison
When porn and gaming are both involved in the addiction, it is tough to break the cycle. For some people, it takes months and years, and for others, it takes them only one attempt before they were able to stop and stay away from their addictions. For each person it is different. I can say most (if not everyone) who has quit their addiction and stayed away had other people to help them. Addictions are tangled webs of irrationality, negative emotions toward yourself and others, and a giant mess that requires intentionality to clean up. The journey is not easy. The cyber prison of gaming and porn addiction calls out like a siren, beckoning all those who would listen to close the prison gate and indulge. You need a team on your side. Please let me help. I’ve been through both addictions and have stayed away. I know the process, I know the heartbreak, and the destruction. Don’t let it be the best your life can get. Contact me. I can get you back to where you want to be.